i'm on a bit of a downer today...jsut can't seem to cheer up. every time i pass a mirror/shiny surface im checking myself out and im not liking what i'm seeing. i gotta admit i'm pretty lonely too. i haven't seen my best mate since February. kinda miss her, and my other best mate who texts everyday..i love him as a friend, we've flirted n stuff but never done more than petting. he turned round this morning and said if i lived closer he'd want me as a gf. how the hell am i meant to take that?!
so ultimately i'm stuck in a dead end job, broke, lonely and a hippo.
kay so it's only quickey...i've lost 2 and a half. not as much as i'd like but its still a loss. my dad's said once i've read up about it, we'll all do the south beach diet. so finally my parents will actually help rather than persistantly buying and making junk food/unhealthy dinners. and i'm going to the gym at least three times a week and working on doing weights and ball exercises everyday/every other day. i jsut wish that i could get rid of my belly and thighs
I've not been blogging for a number of reasons. Mostly...i spilled tea on my laptop so it died :( had to then borrow my mother's laptop and i really didn't want her to see what sites I've been visiting in case she wanted to read my blog. it's not that i'm ashamed of what i write or act exactly.. it's just that this is a place i can write, be myself and tell anyone that wants to listen..or rather read... about what's been going on in my life, how the weight loss is going or not.
i've not actually lost that much weight. the last month has been stupid. i'd lost one or two pounds each week, and i was kinda happy with it. at least i was losing. i've even bought a more accurate scales so it can tell me if i've lost even a quarter of a pound.
My sister, her bf and dog stayed the weekend and i went from being 172.2 to 177.8 how does that happen in 4 days? i've even measured myself and theres no difference between last week and this weekend. grrr.
i've got a holiday in september to save up for, my car needs fixing too. grr.
on the plus side, i bought a bikini. i still don't like how i look but i figured this year i will wear one regardless of if i lose at least two stone by then. maybe i'll find my phone cable and upload it on here for y'all to see. i know im not the best looking in the body department. but i'm at least trying.
i go to the gym 3 times a week, for at least 40 mins each time. i vary between cross trainer, treadmill and rowing machine. on the days i don't go, i'm usually doing some housework, but i make time to do some stretching and ball exercises.
okay so this is only a quickie..my weight hasnt changed in the last month because of various reasons. not really bothered about giving excuses. life hasnt changed much for me. im still crying alot (mostly on my way home from work or to work...itss the only time i get to myself) theres a guy in my life now but im not sure what we are to each other...whether we're fuck buddies or actually in a relationship. its just too confusing.
my friend has decided that for her 21st she's having a marvel themed party. i've decided that no matter what i'm going to lose 2-3lbs a week which would be 40-60lbs. i'm obviously aiming for the higher loss. already my mother is trying to screw me over. it seems silly that im getting so worked up over little things..like i dont take milk in my coffee.. yet for some reason my mom has put milk in and is now trying to bully me into eating more bloody crap. and telling heer i'm trying to lose weight doesn't help at all.
to alot of people its going to seem extreme but i have to lose the weight this time. i feel ugly each time i look in the mirror. its a rare occasion i feel prety even tho the new guy keeps telling me otherwise. so...